Mr. T

The last person who looked at Mr. T was Ray Charles. At the end of every rainbow is Mr. T. It is another way for Mr. T to pity fools. Everyone knows Mr. T ate the leprechaun. Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try. On the 0th day, Mr. T created God. Then made God do the rest of the work while Mr. T pitied him. The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole Mr. T can smell some things up to six miles away Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases. The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk. Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain. Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho. Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now. When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool. The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut. Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful. One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back. I was going to make a Random Mr. T Fact, but he pitied me into not doing it. Mr.T was the pope, twice After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble. Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise. When asked for his thoughts on vegetarians, Mr. T said: “If god didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat…Fool.” Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy. The film "Brokeback Mountain" was originally pitched as an off-beat romance starring Mr. T and Chuck Norris. The sole reason the two legends declined the starring roles is because if Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to kiss, there would be new meaning to the word homosexual...it would mean "obligation" Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal. During the first season of American Gladiators, 24 contestants died while attempting to run the Eliminator. The Eliminator was a cardboard cutout of Mr. T. Mr. T is slated to star in the hit show formerly known as "Everybody Loves Raymond," which was changed to "Everyone Tolerates Raymond" last season and will now become "Mr. T Pities Raymond." If the pity emanating from Mr. T could be harnessed the resulting energy would power the entire Earth for 3 generations. However, the cost of developing and constructing a structure that could withstand and contain such an overwhelming amount of concentrated pity could power the entire Earth for 4 generations. Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the planes that killed King Kong, nor beauty, but instead the fear of being pitied by Mr. T. Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 72 oz. steak, two pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team".